Sober Skaters

soberskater · Head Ex-Lush In Charge

A blonde went into a worldwide message center to send a message To her mother overseas.

When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money." But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).

"Anything?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.

Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.

"Come in and close the door" the man said.

She did.

He then said "Now get on your knees."

She did.

"Now take down my zipper."

She did.

"Now go ahead take it out....." He said.

She reached in and grabbed it with both hands.

Then paused.

The man closed his eyes and whispered.

"Well ... go ahead."

The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips
tentatively said,

"Hello. Mom, can you hear me?"

Roger "Doc". Cool

soberskater · Head Ex-Lush In Charge

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,

'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, you should know something.The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?'

The blind guy says, 'Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

Roger "Doc". Cool

soberskater · Head Ex-Lush In Charge

> > > Subject: Blonde Joke! > > A blonde heard that milk baths would make
her
> >beautiful. She left a > note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of
milk.
> >
> > > When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. > He
> >thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on the door
> to
> > > clarify the point. > > The blonde came to the door and the milkman
> said,
> >"I found your note > to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5
> >gallons?" > > The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my
> >bathtub up > with milk and take a milk bath." > > The milkman asked, "Do
> >you want it pasteurized?! " The blonde said, > "No, just up to my tits.
I
> >can splash it in my eyes!"

Roger "Doc". Cool

soberskater · Head Ex-Lush In Charge

Blond and Redhead

Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street, and pass
a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers. The
redhead sighed and said, "Oh crap, my boyfriend
is buying me flowers again!"

The blonde looked quizzically at her and said,
"You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"

The redhead said, "I love getting flowers, but
he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel
like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?

Roger "Doc". Cool

soberskater · Head Ex-Lush In Charge

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde
already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled, and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so, she smiled her biggest smile
and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again,

"S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain,"T-G-I-F' means 'Thank
Goodness It's Friday.' Get it duuhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

Roger "Doc". Cool

soberskater · Head Ex-Lush In Charge

Blonde Joke of the Year

A blonde decided to rent her first porno. She went to the video store
and picked out a tape with a title that sounded sexy. She drove home,
lit some candles, took off her clothes and placed the tape in the VCR.
But nothing appeared on her screen except static. She called the video
store and complained, "I just rented a porno from you, and there's
nothing on the tape but static.

The clerk said, "Sorry about that. Which movie was it?"

The blonde replied, "Head Cleaner."

Roger "Doc". Cool

soberskater · Head Ex-Lush In Charge

The Very First Blond "GUY" joke
The very first ever Blond GUY joke..... And well worth the wait?

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blond Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blond opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blond guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blond's wife. The blond's wife said, "Don't look at me . He makes his own lunch."

Roger "Doc". Cool

soberskater · Head Ex-Lush In Charge

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in Alabama. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair.

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person...because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general . . and all in the name of humor!"

The ventriloquist is extremely embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little smartass on your knee."

Roger "Doc". Cool

soberskater · Head Ex-Lush In Charge

PREGNANT TURKEY STORY

Last year at Christmas time, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional holiday feast.

Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store and asked if my sister wouldn't mind going out to get it.
When my sister left the house, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the mixed stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey... then re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back into the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing.

When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Barbara, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry hysterically.

It took the entire family almost two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Yes, my sister is a BLONDE

Roger "Doc". Cool